The Powell Scale

We were at the beach this weekend. I'm a big beach fan. When I become rich and crazy (odds of first: 5%, odds of second: 98%), I'm going to buy a compound on the beach and spend my days kicking it by the water. That explains the rich part. While sitting there, I'll be holding a harpoon gun and screaming about Freemasons, which hopefully explains the crazy part. Also, I'll be dressed like Santa Claus. I'm still working out this whole rich and crazy idea, we'll see how it plays out.

I guess the next part is to figure out how I become both rich and crazy. Ideally, I could do both through one thing, like moonshine. If you're a big moonshine baron, you've probably sampled the goods pretty often, thus becoming at least a bit of a lunatic. That's a little depressing. wait, what if I become Mel Gibson's publicist? That's got to be lucrative and frustrating enough to accomplish both. Hey Mel, AIM me.

Now, on to some reviews. It seems like everyone has their own way of rating books/movies/music: two thumbs up, 8 out of 10, three stars, etc. Well, I'd like to come up with own way of rating these things, and I want it to really capture some mindshare. I've decided to rate items using random objects from real life that correspond to the quality of the item. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about with that vague, confusing statement.

Here's what I mean: if something's good, I can say it's 20 cupcakes. If it's mediocre, it's a bowl of slightly warm Malt-O-Meal. If it's unsatisfactory, it's a werewolf locked in your closet. And then I can change the rating scale around on a whim. See where I'm going here? No? Me neither. How about some examples?

I just finished a book by Margaret Atwood called the Blind Assassin. Sometimes, books grow on me; this one did the exact opposite. I'll give the beginning 3/4 of a pony ride, and the end 60 seconds of shampoo in the eyes. I've also been listening to the new Grandaddy release, which is maybe 2 boxes of Hot Tamales. (In case that one confuses you, two box of Hot Tamales are enough for the following thought progression: "Oh man, these things are good. And look how many I have; my life is truly a celebration... Yeah, just eating these Tamales. My mouth is getting a little warm now... Why did I buy so many of these damn things? I should feed these to the dog... Screw it, dogs don't appreciate candy. I'm eating these anyway... Those were surprisingly satisfying.")

Okay, I've got a little work to do on the rating thing. If anyone has any better ideas, please share.