Yowza! The engine that powers Goulash, Movable Type, burst into flames sometime yesterday and I couldn't post last night. I had already written yesterday's chunk of fried gold though, so today you get a double post. Yes, dreams can come true.
Anybody have experience with Amtrak? All I know about it is that it likes to derail and kill people. However, it's pretty cheap, and I need to make a one trip to Dallas soon. Let's do some cost-benefit analysis on this problem.
Chance of death: 15%
Gas money saved: $30
Diving 30 by .15, I see that as long as my life is worth less than $200, I should take the train. It'd take a pretty strange order of events for my life to be worth less than $200. Allow me to hypothesize just what must happen.
First, let's assume that I get fired immediately (reason: toner thief) and am never be able to work again (reason: the unspoken, but widescale blackballing of toner thieves). Not only that, but I wouldn't even be able to sell plasma or volunteer for medical testing. Worse, the people at the wig store would refuse to buy my hair.
Second, let's assume that all of the money I currently have becomes worthless, perhaps due to a liquidity crisis at all of my financial institutions. This includes Putt Putt tokens.
Third, let's assume everyone in the world refuses to purchase any of the stuff I currently own. This isn't so far-fetched; most of my possessions are pretty crappy.
Fourth, let's assume that the government, enraged that I once acknowledged global warming while drunk in public, won't let me go on welfare or disability.
Fifth, let's assume that I'm such an offensive hobo, I can't even panhandle correctly. Maybe instead of giving me money, passer-bys actually hit me with their cars, thus driving me deeper into the hole.
Now that's a lot of very precise things that must happen in order for my life to be worth less than $200. What are the odds on all of that happening? Well, I'm not actuary, but I did do a couple semesters of stats in college. I'll guesstimate... hmm... 96%. It looks like I'm riding the rails!
Posted by Cody at September 27, 2006 7:56 PMIf you do choose the train option, there are some steps you must take in order to blend in with the regulars.
Make your way to the bar car as soon as possible, drink prices won't be an issue as that you have brought your own E&J brandy with you in a Nestea bottle.
Strike up conversations with the regulars about the government and what your plans are for 'when the time is right'
Befriend the Alpha transient with your drink and the Main Street brand smokes you brought to barter with. The Alpha can be found by listening in on the train staff conversations, such as-"Don't mind Bill, he's just like that" or "Tim's condition seems really bad today" or "Oh Christ Jed came back"
Lay low to avoid the Railroad Dicks, and remember it's every man for himself in the luggage claim. A train car buddy is a train station enemy.
Doc is truly wise beyond his years.
Posted by: Danza at September 28, 2006 9:55 PM