Alright, the Big TV is here. It's not exactly working. It turns on and I can go through the menus, but when I hook it to my cable box, I only get Ukrainian soap operas. Teleborschtellas, they call them. Actually, I can't even get teleborschtellas; I only get some dumb "THIS BOX IS NOT AUTHORIZED" message. You know what I'm about to authorize, Time Warner? A rump thrashing, from me addressed to you. (To any pedants: yes, I already switched out the cable box and all of that jazz.)
The addition of a TV meant a lot of furniture gyrations. If you need a TV moved a short distance, I'm your guy; I know how to play the furniture. The secret is to get your desk chairs involved. Those babies have rollers and they're pretty stout, so use them as your homeless man's dolly. Then it's just a simple hernia to get the TV onto the chair and another hernia to get it off. Problem solved, and as a bonus, you get to wear loose fitting underwear for a while.
You don't encounter a true problem until you encounter some furniture that you can't put on your chair. I ran into that tonight with this gigantic armoire of Laura's. I say armoire, but in actuality, this thing was probably designed to air out the corpses of giant squids. It's probably 7 feet tall and impressively sturdy, though no match for the Big TV. Laura decided that it should be moved to our bedroom. That set off 15 minutes of death-defying, profanity-laden, wall-bashing, thumb-mashing, "STOP PUSHING RIGHT NOW"-screaming, carpet-tearing hogwash. Now our bedroom looks strange. There's a bed in one corner and this giant armoire in the other, and the two will just sit there and stare at each other across the demilitarized zone. I am firmly in the bed camp, as it is far less likely to slowly teeter onto me in my sleep.
The moral of the story is, be careful when you accept a TV. If you decide to take it, use it as an excuse to set an armoire on fire.
Posted by Cody at October 2, 2006 9:31 PM