I thought up a great question at lunch today, and I guess it requires a bit of explanation. Let's say that, for whatever reason, someone has to follow you around all hours of the day. It's not a bounty hunter or a private eye, just a regular person on your tail. Who would you least like to have following you?
I came up with a few different answers worth sharing.
1. A white supremacist. There's a white supremacist I've seen around the neighborhood a few times, and it is really unnerving whenever he gets close to me. One time, I was behind him at the gas station. At first, I saw him and thought, "Ah, that fellow likes his tattoos." Then I got closer and saw that, among other disturbing imagery, one of the tattoos was a swastika on his adam's apple. Woah. Now just imagine taking out the trash one dark, windy night and seeing Swastika Neck waiting by the garbage can.
2. An albino giant. Truthfully, I could've gone with either albino OR giant in the #2 spot. Imagine you're out walking the dog around the neighborhood. Every once in a while, you hear these lumbering footsteps and staggered breathing behind you. You hear the sounds and they pique your curiousity, but you don't want to look. Why? Because there's a giant with no skin pigment RIGHT BEHIND YOU! Maybe he'd even try to pet the dog. That just makes my skin crawl. (I should note that I really like the two albinos I've met in real life. They were of regular proportions.)
3. An aborigine. Do you remember in Crocodile Dundee when he mets the aborigines? When I saw that for the first time, those guys struck me mute with terror. I'm not sure why, and I hope it doesn't make me a racist. Imagine the aborigine is following you. For a few days, you see him everywhere you go. Then, one afternoon, you look up and he's no longer there. "What happened to the aborigine?" you scream, terrifying everyone in the seating area of Arby's. Then, you hear the faint, bass rumble of a didgeridoo. Possibility of impending death: 100%.
Okay, did I miss anyone?
Posted by Cody at October 19, 2006 8:23 PMTwo 13 year old girls. That much non-stop jaw flapping can kill you.
Posted by: Frito at October 19, 2006 10:06 PMSasquatch. It'd be cool for about an hour, but then you'd laugh at him for getting a paper cut and he'd whack your head off.
Posted by: Pdiddy at October 20, 2006 11:30 AMAlbinos are terrifying. Take Edgar Winter for example (you might recall his "Frankenstein"... duh duh nuh nuh neh neh neh neh, duh duh nuh neh nuh ... from the opening of Wayne's World 2). The only way to make 70's drag scarier is take the melanin out of the mix. Want proof? Click the link in my handle.
Additionally, panhandling bums (Austin or Waco) should probably make the list on account of being scary, smelly, and potentially insane.
Posted by: HoJew at October 23, 2006 3:40 PM