Santa, Hero

Is Santa Claus a superhero? Consider the following.

He wears a costume (Santa suit), like Batman

He has a special vehicle (sleigh), like Batman

He has a sidekick (team of elves, possibly Mrs. Claus), like Batman

He has special powers (toy building, excellent sleigh driving), like Batman

He is beloved by all friends of truth and order, like Batman

He has theme music (Here Comes Santa Claus), like Batman

He has an enemy (every non-Christian), like Batman

If you get in his way, he'll kill you, like Batman

When he does kill you, there's nothing the law can do, like Batman

Okay, we all agree on this; it just makes sense.

If we do agree, shouldn't we respect Santa a little bit more? I wouldn't just get up in Batman's face and demand toys, but we force our kids to do this every year. If Batman showed up to your house specifically to bring you things, you'd never go to sleep and leave out a tray of Keebler Elf cookies and spoiled milk. No, you'd be researching beef wellington recipes and stocking up on vermouth. If Batman wants an appletini, he gets an appletini!

By the standards of our society, Santa Claus is a superhero and he deserves to be lauded as such. Christmas morning, if you find an enormous heap of reindeer crap on your roof, do not shake your fist at the North Pole. Instead, smile broadly and scream, "Thank you for using your powers for good, Santa, and also for not killing me!"

Posted by Cody at December 12, 2006 7:25 PM