Teeth Suck

If any of you want money from me in the near future, you'll just have to look at my teeth. Before I explain this remark, I'll give you some history. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time at the dentist office. My dentist was also my orthodontist, and since I had braces for 11 million years, I was there at least once a month, getting things drilled, tightened, and prodded. Almost always, these actions focused on my teeth. Hey-o!

Then I got to college, and I relaxed the dental rigor a bit. Instead of doing my cleanings twice a year, I only went once per year; it's not like I swore off of toothpaste or anything. That situation worked well for me, and the doctor/patient relationship was much more pleasant than it was before. Then I became a grown-up and I relaxed the dental rigor even further. Partly because I wasn't sure how my dental insurance worked and partly due to laziness, I didn't go to the dentist at all for a couple of years. I still brushed with religious fervor, however.

Sometime towards the start of this year, I decided to get manly about this issue. I scheduled an appointment, told the doctor about my problem toofie, and let him take a look. Shortly thereafter, he prepared a treatment program that centered on that one defective fang. I finally saw the price tag today and ... it's a lot.

Things I could do with that money:

have the greatest weekend of my life

rent the cast of Police Academy for a 7-night sleepover

start a political party, fund a candidate into office, and then order the candidate to pay for my dental bills with that money

purchase a bionic mouth that not only never gets cavities, but can also bite through gold cars (need to research)

And of course, I could also spend that money on some quality time with the dentist and the periodontist. Let the rock fest begin.

Posted by Cody at January 24, 2007 6:36 PM