Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. It's also very close to the birthday of Paul and Boj's dad. So, if you see a middle-aged white guy with a mustache tomorrow, don't be shy about spanking him. Don't introduce yourself or inform him he's about to be spanked; just grab him, hold him down, and spank him ferociously about 50 times. He'll get the idea around swat #10. And I wouldn't worry about any counterstrikes either; his behind will probably be way too sore for him to chase you.
(I can now cross "Incite buttock assaults on countless strangers" off of my To-do list.)
It is been absurdly cold this winter, a trend which continues to this very night. It's supposed to get down to 24 degrees fahrenheit here in Austin, and I have a softball game scheduled for 9:15 PM. In case the opposition is reading this, please don't hit the ball directly at me. If I get hit, I'll probably shatter like Robert Patrick in Terminator 2. Also, do not scream insults at me; my ear wax will be frozen and I'll be temporarily deaf. All other shenanigans are fair game, unless I get eaten by polar bears on the way out to the field.
Posted by Cody at February 15, 2007 7:37 PMWell, what happened was this weird guy came in and looked around sort of suspiciously, and then he snatched up your laptop and did the fast-walk out of here. Why didn’t I stop him? Dude, you said, “Watch my computer.” I watched the whole thing! You didn’t say, “Keep people from stealing my computer. Throw yourself in harm’s way if someone steals my computer. Do whatever it takes to protect my computer, even though I don’t know you, because I’m paying you a high hourly rate with benefits to make sure this computer does not get stolen.” You need to be more specific with your requests. And if your laptop means that much to you, for God’s sake, don’t leave it under my watch. I don’t give a fuck about anything.
Posted by: Danza at February 15, 2007 10:55 PM