The last two weeks have been pretty rough here in Powell Country. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to get killer ear infections in both ears at the same time. I could see that happening to a 6 year old who lives in a water park, but what about a 26 year old who takes brief showers? I haven't had an ear infection in ten years probably, and then I get two brutal bastards going at the same time. I don't know how I did this. One hypothesis is that Walgreen's is boxing up used q-tips from the truckstop and selling them as new. Another is that Laura fills a turkey baster with stagnant water each night and squirts it in each ear out of spite. I've installed security cameras in both the drug store and my bedroom; we shall know soon.
This is all very strange to me because I make a point to keep my ears very clean. I'm generally a fan of cleanliness, but it gets amplified when ears are involved. I suppose realize that I may not be athletic, handsome, or pleasant to be around, but at the very least, I can have clean ears. Now that's gone too, and that explains why I've been listening to a lot of Morrissey lately.
I said these things were bad and I meant it. At its nadir, I could hardly stand it. I could've been in a normal situation and someone would accidentally graze my head with their hands, making very gentle contact with an ear. I wish I could say that I flipped out and yelled obscenities while making stabbing motions with my keys towards the offender. It was so painful however, I couldn't do that. It was one of those things where all I could do was to close my eyes, open my mouth, and exhale very slowly, in an attempt not to wet my pants. Literally, each graze took a year off of my life. I should get cheaper prices at the movies due to this trauma.
Unlike a lot of guys, I have no problem whatsoever with going to the doctor when I feel the slightest bit of discomfort. Of course, I went for my ears and I've been carrying around some gigantic horse pills with me ever since. Good things come in large packages, and the ears are almost back to 100%. Does that mean I go back to Walgreen's q-tips? I say no; let's not risk anything.
Posted by Cody at April 3, 2007 8:32 PM