Talking Genes

Danza did something that I really want to do. He participated in National Geographic's Genographic Project, which tells you, based on your DNA, where your distant ancestors are from. No surprise, all of his ancestors were from the Planet of the Apes. And not the good one either, but the crappy one with Marky Mark. Tough news to receive, dude.

I've always been told that the Powells were from the UK, and our pastiness, fondness for an alcoholic beverage or two, and love for interesting profanity certainly back that up. However, what I want to know is, where did we come from before that? Perhaps at Rome's zenith, there was a guy who looked just like me. Also like me, he would have a very difficult time remembering his Latin noun declesions. And maybe in Africa, at the very start of humanity, there was a Powell there. I can see him now, faking an asthma attack when it came time to slaughter the lion.

One thing that worries me about this technology is how far it could be taken. Is it possible that, given my DNA, someone could eventually tell me everything there is to know about my predecessors? I will say now that most of us would never want to know that information. Sure, a few folks would be related to Charlemagne and Marco Polo, but what about everybody who comes from Aloysius Puffyfeathers, slaveship proprietor and barnyard menace?

If someone did have that technology, they'd be smart to only guarantee it to 99% accuracy. Then, for every 99 actual relatives of yours, they could insert someone interesting, like Napoleon, Galileo, or Andre the Giant. Sometimes, genetics needs to be spiced up a bit.