December 4, 2007

Resist the Urge to Give Me a Lexus

You know the holidays are here when folks start getting pissed off about those Lexus commercials.

Everybody knows these commercials: husband leads wife outside, wife sees a new Lexus with a bow on it in the driveway, wife decides she temporarily likes husband. I'll hand it to Lexus: these are compelling ads. However, the reason they're compelling is NOT because this is every woman's dream, but because the whole scenario is totally ridiculous. Here's how this would work in real life.

Husband: Come on out here, honey. I've got a surprise for you.

Wife: Hush up, I'm watching my stories.

Husband: Honey, please. This is way better than your stories.

Wife: Better than my stories? *throws curling iron at husband's face and trudges outside unhappily*

Husband: Look in the driveway. There it is, your new Lexus!

Wife: You rented me a Lexus for Christmas?

Husband: No, I BOUGHT you a Lexus!

Wife: That is awesome. Wait, you bought this? Don't these cars cost around $40,000?

Husband: They are, but you're worth it!

Wife: Did it not occur to you to consult me before spending $40,000 on a Christmas gift? I only got you 2 seasons of CSI as your gift. Those cost $70 in total. According to my calculations, you spent 571 times that amount.

Husband: Not to be pedantic, but it was actually $45,000 due to the fancy bow wrapped around the car. However, you're worth every penny.

Wife: $45,000! Sweet Jesus! Can we still keep our house? How much can I sell my eggs for?

And it just gets worse from there. That is why you should only give your wife homemade peanut brittle for Christmas.

Posted by Cody at December 4, 2007 9:40 PM