December 13, 2007

Time Warner, Meet Business Time Powell

Oh, Time Warner. My time on this earth will not be a success until I can drive a stake of consumer justice into your cold, megacorporate heart.

I came home from work yesterday and booted up Computapus Rex, my laptop. I tried to check my email and got errors. I tried to browse and got errors. I tried a few other online things, and absolutely nothing worked. I checked all of the normal points of failure: the computer was plugged in, I wasn't trying to boot up the washing machine, I was in the right house, etc. All of the problems pointed to the cable modem. That's no big surprise for me as a Time Warner customer; my cable modem's roughly as sturdy as Glass Jaw Joe in Mike Tyson's Punchout.

I gave it a little while to see if the modem would start working, but I had no luck. I had this great idea while I was waiting. I thought, hey, let's watch tv! I went into the living room and fired up the cable modem. It gasped pathetically and wet its pants.

At this point, I knew my cable situation was totally screwed. And since things were totally screwed and I have no patience for that kind of malarkey, I did the intelligent thing and allowed Laura to handle the problem. I gave her the Time Warner phone number and left the room promptly.

After a few minutes, she came back with news. "It's a problem they have to fix," she said. Of course, of course. When can they come out? "In a week." This is the kind of service that $140 a month gets from Time Warner. Thank God I don't pay $135 a month! We'd be out for a month! Why I oughta!

Time Warner, I know that some people live without high-speed internet and DVRs. I call them hillbillies, and I do not intend to join them. Fix your mess!

When I came home from work today, everything was working again. I'd call Time Warner to inform them, but that would require cancelling our service appointment for next week. A representative is coming out to my house and I'm going to make him crawl around in the attic for a few hours. He will do that until my account is credited. At that point, I will shout "Consumer justice!" and let him go home.

Posted by Cody at December 13, 2007 7:08 PM