A Fantasy Primer

Hola, virtual amigos. Spring is in the air. I know this because I am sneezing up a storm and because I have my fantasy baseball draft tonight. Let us hope that I don't conflate the two; I might accidentally sneeze when it's my turn to pick and end up drafting Kirby Puckett. He's no longer alive, future me! Guys like that will not contribute in literally any statistical area!

While I don't like to admit it, I probably am one of those crazy fantasy sports guys. I fully realize how strange it is to pretend to be the General Manager of an imaginary sports team and compete against my friends, but I'm telling you, it's fun. I get to utilize all of the things I'm good at: data mining, read websites, talking trash, wasting time, and coming up with vulgar team names.

I never really understood the point until I dipped my toe into the murky waters of fantasy football a few years ago. Almost immediately, I found myself in all of these weird conversations about Brett Favre and all of the interceptions he throws. People would wonder at the end of these talks what part of Wisconsin I was from; surely I was a Madison guy? No way Jose, I just happened to have that dude on my fantasy team and he sucked something awful. I have literally had dozens of conversations with people that I never would've had were it not for my fantasy sports hobbies. Think of it as social lubricant.

Also, it's a good way to participate in sports without actually doing anything athletic. I have no interest, for example, in putting on a BreatheRight strip and joining the pickup game down at the YMCA; all of that running and jumping is not my thing. The people there would probably start calling me the Vanilla Walrus after a few minutes of play. Fantasy sports allow me to get the same sort of enjoyment without enduring cruel taunts or possibly getting whapped in the face, thus bending my spectacles.

Any Austinites going to BarCamp Austin this weekend? I've heard great things about it in the past and so I'm probably heading on out there. If you are too, gimme a hoot.