Man, it's Opening Day for almost all Major League Baseball teams and I couldn't be more ready. The NBA and I have had some good times over the past few years, but I am now wholeheartedly ready to declare baseball my favorite professional sport. Why? Let me share the reasons.
First, and most importantly, my favorite basketball team, the Dallas Mavericks, is terrible. They are terrible now, they'll be terrible in the future, and they'll be terrible until the heat death of the universe, as long as Avery Johnson hasn't taken a long walk off of a short pier while wearing cement moccasins. This man is a saboteur! Anyway, it's no fun to watch your team consistently suck.
Second, what's the point of watching the first three quarters of a basketball game? All of the excitement is at the end. However, the end is impossible to watch because every five seconds, someone calls a timeout. It's like someone designed the world's most unwatchable sport and then tricked the USA into liking it.
Third, I don't feel good about myself when I watch basketball, mostly because I can't do any of that stuff. Yes, I finally admit it: I'm not much of a dunker. Baseball, though, is 90% standing around in a field. I can, and have done, just that many times in the past. In that regard (plus my love of chawin' tobaccy), I'm quite similar to a professional baseball player.
Fourth, and most absurd, I have faith that my favorite baseball team, the Texas Rangers, isn't going to be so terrible this year. You heard it, folks: I'm both predicting and getting excited about a season of mediocrity. If they don't win 80 games, then the fudgesicles are on me.
(Note that the fudgesicle offer doesn't apply to the whole Internet, merely me and you.)
Posted by Cody at March 31, 2008 6:23 PM