What is there to report? The big news is that, seventy two hours from now, I'll either be a homeowner or I'll be really pissed off and vandalizing the mortgage company's offices. For as long as I've been thinking and talking about this, you'd think I'm some sort of real estate baron and not some weird dude in a junky duplex covered with pet hair (the duplex, not me).
So, assuming I am a homeowner in 72 hours, what's the first thing I'm going to do in the house? First, I'm going to put toilet paper in all of the bathrooms. Second, I'm going to set out some ghost traps. Third, I'm going to recheck the toilet paper. Fourth, and perhaps most important, I'm going to start moving.
AAaaaaaffghghhg, I hate moving. I would rather be strapped into the dentist's chair, watching the English Patient, and listening to Toby Keith for 12 hours straight than spend an afternoon moving. You know why? At least I'd die quickly then. Moving is a death by a million boxes; even after I move the big stuff, I can't celerbate because hey, where the hell is the box with the shampoo?
I had this idea the other day in which we could just do away with moving entirely. Instead, whenever you would buy a house or lease a new apartment, it'd be full of the previous owner's possessions. There, that's your new stuff and don't get too used it, because you're not taking any of it with you. This solves two problems in one fell swoop. First, people become less attached to material possessions; you're a lot less likely to brag about your fancy shoes if they came with your house. Second, my back is not going to explode trying to move some crappy particle-board desk up a flight of stairs ever again.
Imagine this scheme really did get implemented. I would've had so many more questions before I went to see a house. First and foremost: this house doesn't have a water bed, does it?
Posted by Cody at April 28, 2008 10:25 PM