If you know me, you know I love garage sales. My day job may be writing software, but my afternoon, evening, night, and dawnish jobs are scouting garage sales for sweet deals on patio chairs, broken kites, and bird houses. Imagine my surprise earlier this week when, after bringing home a killer load of pre-owned goods from down the street, the following list fluttered out from the items.
The 12 Laws of Robotics
By Isaac Asimov
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. (Editor's note: these first three sound pretty familiar.)
4. A robot may not injure a human being's pet, unless it's one of those weird pets like a boa constrictor or a ferret that may just freak out and hurt a human for no good reason.
5. A robot may not mix mustard and mayonnaise when preparing a sandwich for a human being, even if the human being has tacitly endorsed this concoction.
6. A robot must work on a human being's car at regular intervals, since it can hook itself up and read the diagnostic codes for free in probably ten seconds, unlike those jackasses at Pep Boys.
7. A robot must, at all times, carry a corkscrew. Those things are seriously handy.
8. A robot must attempt an outlandish Swedish accent, when a human being demands it.
9. A robot must encourage a human being's attempts at poetry, even applauding the clumsy sexual metaphors.
10. A robot may not, under any circumstance, steal a human being's underwear. Even if it would save the life of another human being, our underwear remains sacred.
11. A robot must agree to play the role of Andre the Giant when a human being wishes to play Hulk Hogan and relive Wrestlemania IV, unless the human being got to be Hulk Hogan last time.
12. A robot may not enter a board-breaking exhibition at a karate tournament, as this would be unfair to the other board-breakers without metal hands.