You Will Be Threatened

I have this love/hate relationship with mornings. I hate them, in that my own research has shown that early mornings suck and consistently steal my soul. I love them in that, by being awake in the morning and going to work, I don't find myself penniless, homeless, and engaging in hobo warfare down at the bus station for spending money.

I'm kind of an adult though, and adults have to wake up and do stuff in the mornings; I've watched enough sitcoms to understand this. Occasionally, I consistently get this idea that I'm just not trying hard enough to wake up early. I think that if I could just wake up at 6:30 every day, even on weekends, I'd unlock this huge chunk of time in which I could exercise, pen my memoirs, and perhaps dabble in meteorology.

I put this plan in action and then I have to stop. It's not because it's too hard to get up early; once I commit to my plan, I can live with the pain. I stop because, after a day or two, everyone else thinks I've suddenly turned into Stalin. Engage me in argument? You will get screamed at. Drink the last Coke in the fridge? You will be threatened. Dispute the supremacy of Die Hard II over Die Hard with a Vengeance? You will get sentenced to my own personal gulag.

In my own defense, it is hard to adequately scheme for the coming day and sublimate all potential weirdness without ample beauty sleep.

Tomorrow, I go back on this plan and I am determined to try it for a week this time, no matter what my friends and family think. I'd like to think by that point, I'll be settled in and living the productive life. In the meantime, prepare for several lengthy, ultra-serious, misinformed screeds about the postal service, Kabbalah lore, and offshore drilling.