Mock the Vote

If you live in Texas, you're not a felon, and you haven't yet registered to vote, do so! Wait, if you're some dumb butt who's going to cancel my vote out, don't follow that link! There's a special voter registration form for you. It can be found... here. Just punch a few numbers in and whammo, you've voted!

As a number of you probably know, I always vote for a weirdo third-party candidate for President. Usually, their big stances are "I promise to blow up the Federal Reserve myself following inauguration" or "I will correct the USA's problems through mandatory national transcendental meditation." It's more of a statement vote, so I don't really get worked up about the election.

This year, though, things are so screwed up that I feel like I must temporarily suspend my ridiculous political stances to support someone of actual substance. Weirdos who wish to give Alaska back to Russia, I'm sorry that you may no longer count on my vote.

I'm having a hard time making up my mind, though. Yes, Sarah Palin reminds me of the bitchy lady who dominates the Neighborhood Watch meetings. Yes, John McCain may very well think he's running against William Howard Taft. I'm not sure I buy into Obama's "Let's Make Government Awesome" plan, though. He himself is a charismatic, awesome dude, but can he really stock the post office and DMV with similar people?

In times like these, it helps to find someone crazy and do the exact opposite. Only one of these candidates has the weirdos of the world united in the belief that he's a Muslim anti-Christ out to turn Monticello into Bin Laden's pleasure mansion. If Obama's got all of these people that mad, then he is doing something right in my book. Congrats Barack, you have won my temporary support.