January 19, 2010

Buona Sera

If you were to break into my Netflix account and peek at the queue, you'd probably assume that I'm about to start a North Austin crime family. Here's what we're currently rocking at our house: The Godfather II (2 disc special edition, because that's how we roll) and then Season 2 of the Sopranos. That tells you 2 things about me: I love gnocchi and I'm not afraid to bust some knee caps.

Well, not exactly. I mean, I do love gnocchi but I'm not a violent individual. It's been probably 20 years since my last fight, and I think I'm actually flattering both of us by calling it a fight. It was really more like 45 seconds of flailing by both of us before we both collapsed from asthma attacks.

After watching so much in this genre lately though, I start to feel a little bit like one of the characters. I kind of want to swagger around town, paying for canoli with a $100 bill and then spend the rest of the afternoon eating sandwiches with my big, fat friends. Also, I want to issue ominous warnings. For example, just imagine you're at the grocery store and the lady in front of you snags the last cart. You step in front of her, shake your head slowly from side to side, and whisper, "You don't have the muscle for this in my neighborhood." Then you walk off with the cart. Wouldn't that be the greatest moment in your week?

Of course, mafiosos have a lot of other things to deal with besides these small perks, like assassinations and incarceration. These issues really outweigh the little fun parts that I mentioned above, which is why I'm going to turn down any and all offers to join a family, even if they want to make me consigliere. I'm taking a firm no-mafia stance, I don't care how controversial it is.

And yet, from watching the Sopranos and the Godfather and all of this stuff, there is something I want to do. I want to be an old Italian man, preferably one like you'd find in a movie. I like the way they dress, I like the way they talk, and I like how they strut their stuff around the neighborhood. Not being Italian, I am going to settle for just hanging out with some old Italian men. What's the easiest way to do that? Craigslist, I imagine?

Posted by Cody at January 19, 2010 9:35 PM